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Wednesday, 5 December 2007

I feel so crapped up. Can't you wake up and realise it's you? You're making me all crappy and troubled. To think you still have the nerve to suck up to people and ugh. You want to know why? I'm very pissed, yesterday was the first time I used "pissed" so many times in a conversation. The conversation was at night with my older brother, Glen, "Kor, you won't know how pissed I am. I'm so pissed." I kept repeating " I'm so pissed, I'm so pissed". You can't believe how angry I was. I'm seriously all crapped up. It's like that time when I couldn't stand someone and actually called the person a F***ed up F***er with a F***ed up attitude and a F***ed up mind.. or something to that effect, using as many F words as I could in one sentence. And my sentences just kept going on and on till I calmed down and eventually stopped cursing. To church people who are thinking "how could this be?": yes, I'm that vulgar. But I'm not proud of it. It just helps me release steam. Now, I feel like putting on my blades and going on a forget my troubles ride to nowhere. There's a messed up person typing this post trying to calm myself down.

Anyway, this crappy little girl is not anymore innocent than a rabbit who ate a fox. Can't believe I'm ranting like this.. On and on and on. Pardon me for being such a loser. I just am. Don't ask me how I am, I'm not fine. I'm angry, troubled, confused and messed up. What one night's conversation can do to a person. It's miraculous. Thinking about it, I'm quite a suck-up in church. I wonder why I tag along older people for lunch. Am I such a suck-up? Ugh. I think so. Forget it. I'm a messed up person.

How horrible it is to be judged and misunderstood by people who you trust. Do you think I join ushering and go for wednesday prayer meetings to gain attention? Do you think it's worth it travelling 2++ hours just to go for a 1 hour long prayer meeting just to get attention? I feel so crappy..

God, why am I so messed up? Why did You die for us? There's no good in dying for me. God, I pray that You test me. Lord, that You will test me as you tested Abraham. Maybe in a different manner, but I want to know that I'm like Abraham who could be tested instead of Lot who was not tested because he always chooses the way of man. Let me choose You, Lord, not man.

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Humbled at 1:00 am

NATchoo

nataliechoo. 11dec93 Sagittarius. 16.

BV 4e4'09. BVCB 1st Oboe. TP BSG 1B10 Kayak Racing Team

SJSM. Elaine's Cluster. Evelyn's cell.


This is NATalie, the narcissistic little girl. This girl is smarter than she looks and dumber than she speaks. She knows that she is very crazy very often because she can get high on nothing. Natalie can choose to be super duper; friendly, high, emo, silent, shy and happy as she has many different personalities. She is proud to be a golfer and glad to be a musician.
 Lastly, Natalie hopes to see you tag her blog.


mostLOVED

Natalie loves her oboe and her 1974 Morris guitar, Jayden. Of course, she loves her close friends. She obviously enjoys listening to music and playing it, especially in a band. (ie. Drumsticks&Tulips) Natalie has fun playing sports. She loves watching her idol Rory Mcilroy (NIR) play golf! In case you didn't know, she supports Liverpool and Steven Gerrard. Admittedly, she is addicted to her Kpop idol, ChoiJongHoon and his band, FT Island. Natalie's favourite colours are purple, pink and blue. Nat <3 YOU! (cause someone is ACTUALLY reading her blog)

LINKed

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Jasmine
Lenis
Lixin
Michi
Sheng Wei
Shermin


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