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Tuesday, 13 November 2007

After such a long time, after the cold war that was started by me, I finally get to talk to you. I missed talking to you. It was like the tension between us was finally broken, although it's still there. At first I was fine with talking to you, it seemed so easy, you were so friendly. It didn't seem wrong to talk to you, you seemed okay. Until that day, when I made some tension between us. I don't know how or why, but I did. I just didn't want anything to do with you. You became another person in my eyes. And I only realised how foolished I was, when God showed me that there's more than that to friendship. I mean yea, we can't always be a low life, self-centered jerk and that's what I am. I am a low life, self-centered jerk, and a dumb one at that. But I doubt I can change overnight. It wasn't because you wanted the tension, it was me. I created the tension. But I hated the uneasy eye contact. And because I just didn't want to talk to you, you didn't mind and played along. Making eye contact last time would come with hand signals like "Are you leaving?" with you pointing to the door and the eyebrow raised. I missed those times that we could even play games together. I'm the same person, the same problematic girl as I was in the beginning of sec 1. Making problems for all sorts of people at all sorts of times. You're probably never going to read this, but if you do, I apologise. I'm sorry.

I thank God that our friendship is not going to be broken down that easily.

At first, I just didn't want to go for the philippines mission trip. If as they say, money isn't a problem, Lixin's going to malaysia on the 14th too (no cookies), and if I don't get homesick, more than half of the problems are actually being solved.. After much thinking, I'll say no. We'll see what goes on during that time, why it's a no.

Besides that, I find my self staring at the walls, my life wasting away. I don't know what is going on. The more I see it, the more I need Him and to be under His loving arms. Oh God, bring me back onto my path. When You amaze me with the things You are showing me, I cannot help but stand in awe. How excellent You are, Lord. Why do you create such useless things? Why do You create such useless beings that refuse to listen to You? Why create such ignorant fools who do not listen, but come crying and begging for forgiveness and You listen? Why do You show us such mercy? We deserve nothing. Not even the clothes on our backs. We deserve to be burning in the fiery hell. Why, Lord, why?



Humbled at 2:20 am

NATchoo

nataliechoo. 11dec93 Sagittarius. 16.

BV 4e4'09. BVCB 1st Oboe. TP BSG 1B10 Kayak Racing Team

SJSM. Elaine's Cluster. Evelyn's cell.


This is NATalie, the narcissistic little girl. This girl is smarter than she looks and dumber than she speaks. She knows that she is very crazy very often because she can get high on nothing. Natalie can choose to be super duper; friendly, high, emo, silent, shy and happy as she has many different personalities. She is proud to be a golfer and glad to be a musician.
 Lastly, Natalie hopes to see you tag her blog.


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Natalie loves her oboe and her 1974 Morris guitar, Jayden. Of course, she loves her close friends. She obviously enjoys listening to music and playing it, especially in a band. (ie. Drumsticks&Tulips) Natalie has fun playing sports. She loves watching her idol Rory Mcilroy (NIR) play golf! In case you didn't know, she supports Liverpool and Steven Gerrard. Admittedly, she is addicted to her Kpop idol, ChoiJongHoon and his band, FT Island. Natalie's favourite colours are purple, pink and blue. Nat <3 YOU! (cause someone is ACTUALLY reading her blog)

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